MOO 21: As I Lie Here Wide Awake
by Amanita Jackson
Summary: Month O' Oneshots 21! Well, here we are. Another I Was TRYING To Write An Amusing Parody And It Got Rather Out Of Hand, Just My Little Joke story. Drarry, [insert cute nicknames] RonHarry, SeamusHarry, BlaiseHarry, then I got bored with it.


A/N: Wow...this one actually amuses me.So bad it just might be good. Heh. I wish I could write amusing parodies like the ramen ninja but sadly I have not her (their?) comic genius. So here's this. Now I'm gonna go get some sleep cos...cos I am, ok? No one ever reads these things, you know. Well, maybe you. Yeah, you. (wave) Hallo! Did you know that people with lower intelligence read email with their hand on the mouse...? With fics I think it might be different. And yes, it is too late to take your hand off the mouse.

MOO: #21

Pairings: Draco/Harry, Ron/Harry, Seamus/Harry, Blaise/Harry...eh. I got bored after that. This wasn't really that interesting to write.

Dedication: For Ahley, cos she needs something to laugh about, even though she prolly won't ever read this. (hugs) My condolances, luvvie!

Disclaimer: Must we go through this again? Really.

Warning: Slash and badly written parodies! (sings 'Happy Happy Joy Joy' song)

* * *

Harry Potter was bemoaning his fate. As usual. But he deserved to, cos he's a hero!

"Woe is me! For everyone I love dies! No one is safe around me! For I am an orphan and my parents are dead, leaving me orphaned! And my aunt and uncle, who are my foster parents as well as being my aunt and uncle, treat me cruelly! Even though they are my aunt and uncle! And my cousin is big and strong and I am scrawny and weak, even though I could be working out and all the chores I seem to be constantly forced to do have no effect on my pathetic, skinny physique!"

Here, Harry had to take a breath, but he continued waving his arms as he walked down the corridor.

"Also I am ugly and have glasses and I have a stalker and a bunch of assassins after me and also stalkers and also I am ugly! I am also gay, as is everyone else in the school despite the statistical impossibility!"

So Harry went to sob by the lake over his misfortune.

"Oh, I am truly an angst-fest! I am the most angst teenager alive! I wish I was dead!"

Harry soon grew tired of repeating himself, so he decided to apply black nial polish rather clumsily, put on far too much eyeliner (also clumsily) and write reams and reams of bad emo poetry.

"My life is a barren wasteland, full of darkness and dark blackness! No one truly understands such pain that I go through! My very soul is doomed to doom and despair! Abandon hope all ye who I love, for I am despair personified! Woe, agony, and black pits of agony! My life is a black pit of blackness and also I have spilled the nail polish on my robe! Alas, alas, and woe is me!" he wailed as he sat sobbing like a small child with three skinned knees.

Draco came nancing up.

"My dark-haired Gryffindor Golden Boy! What is it you are sobbing about, you big girl's blouse?" he drawled.

"Malfoy! An enemy! I insult your parents and your lineage and your pure bloodedness, ignoring the fact that I am basically pelting you with insults that are exactly like your own except opposite!" Harry shouted.

"Let us fight!" sneered Malfoy.

They dueled but soon disarmed each other at exactly the same time.

Malfoy pinned Harry to a wall, even though there were none out by the lake and kissed him. Harry kissed back and soon they were shagging like there was no tomorrow.

Suddenly, Ron woke up and rolled over. Harry was there. Sleepily, Ron started hitting Harry with a pillow.

"Malfoy--! Of ALL people, MALFOY--!" he grunted as he battered Harry over the head with a pillow.

"What are you talking about?" Harry mumbled sleepily, being half-asleep, Ron having just woken him up from being asleep.

They shagged like minxes.

Suddenly, Seamus woke up. He looked beside him. Yes, Harry was still there. He poked Harry awake.

"You don't fancy Ron or Malfoy, do you?"

"Of course not, Seamus. You are my one and only," Harry said.

They shagged passionately.

Suddenly, Blaise woke up

"Harry...luv, I just had the weirdest dream…"


End file.
